A New Hope

Ladies and Gentlemen, how nice it is to see you all here. If you are only looking at this in your reading feed then you should come over.

First of all welcome to the end of the year; my-oh-my has it flown by. There is a theory that our perception of time is based on memorable experiences; the more memorable experiences (good or bad) you have close together the more that period of time ‘feels’ slower. If this is true - shit is about to get slow

I have exciting news folks, not only have I made the big move in with my girlfriend, more to come on that later (not a euphemism), but it just so happens that today marks the launch of the 2014 Adelaide Fringe Festival...

You know… the largest arts festival in the southern hemisphere?

The second largest arts festival in the world; second only to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival…

To be honest I was expecting more of a response; I'll give you some more information then:

I'M DOING A SHOW! (I may be excited; just a little bit)

Translation: I am proud to announce that I will be performing stand up at the 2014 Adelaide Fringe.

Drum-roll please...

You guys might remember a certain peanut butter nut by the name of Michael D’Agostino, well he and I decided to join forces and jump in the proverbial deep end and put a show together. The show is called “Mike and Rusty jump in the deep end”. At this stage Mike and I are excited and petrified, because as the name suggests we are really jumping into the deep end here. This is not a show we have been booked for, we are using our own money and backing ourselves; whether we win or lose can only be attributed to us.


Put pressure on yourself much?

Mike and I will be releasing stuff leading up to the shows, but for now you can buy tickets at FringeTix

Rusty

Those who think they're funny, please Stand up

Of all the things that made headlines last month, this wasn't one of them. 

My girlfriend dobbed me in to have a crack at stand up comedy. There is an open mike night here at the Rhino Room every Monday, and the people there are awesome and very supportive. Check them out if you are in the area.

The guys from The Chess Hammer and the Chess Hammer collective came out for support, we had a few local beers and pear ciders, and it turned out to be a good night.

I loved it. I was shitting myself, but I loved it. It is an amazing experience to make a room full of people laugh, and equally amazing to hear silence. 

Some of the jokes were adapted from this blog, and I will be having another crack soon. I will let you know how that one goes. It should be within the next week or so.

Unless I die in the arse...

Did the earth move for you?

I was emailed this, if you know who it belongs to, let me know

Last week there was an earthquake here in Adelaide. It was only a 3 something on the Richter scale, but it was enough of a tremor to make young men feel like studs if they climaxed at the right time. I’m sorry, but I missed it; I climaxed hours before hand and was sound asleep. But how awesome would that have been to reach that moment with my lady, move the Earth, and then give her a wink? It would be a moment you would tell your kids.

Unfortunately, I have managed to miss every earthquake I have been in, except for the first.

I was in Nagoya Japan on a school trip in 2001 sitting in my host mother’s lounge room doing a cultural exchange for a few days, but only succeeding in communicating in the international language of over acting mime. All of a sudden the room, and I assume the whole house, started to shake, and there was a loud roar coming from outside. I assumed it was a low flying plane or something and did not think much about it. The host mum casually reached for the electronic dictionary, and started typing in a word. She found what she was looking for, handed me the dictionary and pointed to a word.

“HOLY SHIT, IT’S A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE!”

I crawled backwards over the back of the lounge like a crab trying the fish vindaloo for the first time screaming to the door; trying to remember anything about earthquakes survival I had seen in movies. The host mum was laughing her head off – so much for polite society.

When I had calmed down, the host Mum reached for her electronic dictionary and typed in a phrase. "Did the earth move for you?" she asked and had another giggle.

On the news later in the evening, I had no idea what they were saying, but they had a chart over the map of Japan showing the earthquake being 4 point something on the crap-your-dacks scale. I would have sworn that the aftershocks in my pants were higher.

The Japanese earthquake and tsunami earlier this year was a tragedy, and certainly not funny, but I would love to think that there is someone out there, out on the fringes of the earthquake, who timed their release at the precise moment the Earth did. He would be a hero.

Have you ever reached orgasm during an earthquake? If not, do you have a favourite earthquake moment?