Sunday, March 10, 2013

10 things you should learn

In lieu of writing anything with substance, I give on to you another list. I know I have promised some more videos of some of my stand up, and they are coming, I am just waiting until I nail a performance and have good footage of it.

This list came about when I was lying in bed coughing my guts up last night. I am sick. I don't get sick very often but I am sick. SA has a public holiday on Monday, the Fringe Festival is in town (the second biggest arts festival in the world), I have new jokes to prepare for a gig coming up, and my body has decided on being sick. If I didn't know better I would think my body is being a jerk.
  1. Changing your name to Bob will not make you more buoyant. Palindromic, but not buoyant. 
  2. Only make friends with people who are shorter than you, you will forever be their King. Plus you get to show off by getting things off shelves.
  3. Exercising willpower is harder than exercise. I would rather eat a packet of Tim-Tams and run 8ks than do neither.
  4. When life gives you lemons, open a market store and flog them for 50c each.
  5. Economies come and go but jeans are forever, and sometimes that long between washes.
  6. Pillow fights are only fun when your winning or you're all in underwear. In which case you're winning.
  7. It's not the heat or the humidity that kills you, its constant need to tell me the weather on Facebook.
  8. Bottled water is bad for you, because paying for it just proves you're an idiot.
  9. Fitted sheets are only impossible to fold when you care.
  10. I let someone walk a mile in my shoes. They got a new perspective, I got athletes foot.