Sunday, June 24, 2012

50 is the new... wait.... no, 50 is still just 50

The Internet can surely be used
better than this
Today I hit my 50th post. True it has taken me a few years to get here, but slow and steady is something I am not known for anywhere else but in the blogosphere. In the outside world I would be known as "the guy that doesn't stop talking" at work, "the guy from the country that can talk proper" at fencing, the "guy who thinks he knows it all" in my home town, "who's that guy? And why is he talking to me?" at stand-up gigs, "the man who isn't funny" with my girlfriend, "the man who runs ultra marathons" at my gym, but in my running group I am "the guy that can barely keep up".

It seems that I am a lot of things these days.

I am also recently a winner of not one, but two more kreativ blogger awards. One from my partner in crime, as long as the crime is murdering jokes, Michael D'Agostino of The world As I See It and one from Red from Doesn't Speak Klingon.

Normally I would have to answer questions and pass the award onto recipients, but considering I take my sweet arse time in writing posts I seem to be last at the restaurant holding the bill. So I will have to announce great new blogs when I find them. So here is a blog to get you started: Delightfully Ludicrous. I am quite new to this blog but I find her posts interesting and amusing. I don't follow blogs unless they do something for me and I follow this one. Coincidence? (I am not sure Kelie will be using that quote anytime soon for promotional purposes: "I follow this one" - Rusty).

Favourite Song?
It jumps between "Forty Six & 2" or "Lateralus" by Tool depending if I am feeling philosophical or mathematical.

Kreativ to the power of 3... allegedly
What's your favourite dessert?
Crepe with Nutella! Also a big fan of biscuits, but it's not a dessert food as it's any time food, because tea is an any time drink.

What do you do when you are upset?
Frown. I usually do something to distract me in the meantime.

Which is your favourite pet?
I currently have no pets because I rent. It is easier to find places when you have no pets. I love dogs, and I generally love it when my friends have dogs, because then they are like children that are not mine, I can play with them and give them back without having to walk them, feed them, vaccinate them, bath them, ...

White Bread or Wholemeal?
If I am having vegemite, then you have got to rock the white bread. Any situation requiring more flair than a standard loaf should be a white bread in my opinion. Everyday sandwich, go the wholemeal, unless you are celiac. Then go with the rice crackers.

Bread is a moot point for Nutella; it doesn't matter what bread you use, because bread is merely the vessel for chocolaty goodness.

What's your biggest fear?
Never being good enough and being a disappointment

What's your attitude most of the time?
It depends on how many people sign up for Nutella over peanut butter, which isn't going well so far. I would like to think happy, but I am at work at the moment so it could be anything...

10 Random facts.
01. I grew up in country South Australia, but I was born in country New South Wales. 
10. I like using binary to cheat.

So after 50 what is next? 51, but there are other projects on the way. I have been asked to submit a short story for a South Australian writing group putting together an anthology, more stand up when I can get these new jokes right (or I throw them out entirely and start again), I am starting a Masters in Project Management in two weeks, full marathon in August, and new and exciting projects with Michael to be released soon, so watch our blogs (and there are a few more blogs coming a long for the ride) for details.

And to celebrate my milestone I am announcing my ascention into more time wasting opportunities, because lets face it, what is the point of having time you are not allowed to waste it?

"Stop stalling give us the announcement!"

Fine, I have decided to joining the swelling ranks of twitter.

Tweet this.
So release the twitters! I have decided to take the plunge into that great time waster of them all, if you wish to follow me you can catch my antics at @RustyHartup

If you have twitter, and you are reading this, then you qualify to being followed so leave it for me to start stalking (not an actual stalk).

I was hoping to post another stand up clip to celebrate 50. I have been working on new stuff, but the jokes are not ready yet to be released into the blogosphere.

But thank you very much for all of you who stop by here time to time, and I hope we can spend many evenings, lunchtimes, or just when the boss isn't looking, what ever the time of day, together.



Friday, June 1, 2012

Winter coat of our discontent

The one thing I hate about the winter is getting a haircut because now my ears are cold. The bald patch growing out back has stayed the same temperature but my ears are cold. It is nothing a hat cannot fix, but a sheep does not wear a jumper. Winter is coming. Winter is coming, and I have cold ears. 

Okay I may have been watching too much Game of Thrones; actually winter is already here in the southern hemisphere. The days are gloomy, the nights are cold, and the worst thing is that there is no snow to justify the shivering Even without snow, after a point cold is cold and the number doesn’t matter. It’s just cold. 

I generally don’t feel the cold too much. I’m too busy metabolising food like a mad man and I had a mop of a hair style for extra insulation on top. That is all gone now, not gone as in I shaved my head, if anything I got a more fashionable haircut than I have had in a long time. And by long time I mean at least 8 years. When I left the barber’s last Saturday I was welcomed outside by a gust of cold air right in the front face. Icicles were forming on my lobes. 

Hello, Ladies...

I should say almost fashionable because I am slowly but surely starting to bald and that will never be "in", andI have curly hair. And curly hair will never be "in" for anyone over the age of 6. Despite what the expression expresses, curls do not get the girls. When has a women ever described a man as hot” solely by their hair alone? Jack Osborne has curly hair, and I don't think he's beating the ladies off with a stick. 

(Insert beating stick joke)

(Insert “insert beating stick joke”) 

If I can offer any advice, it would be that Nutella is better than peanut butter (isn't that right Mr. D'Agostino? You know it is true not just better in taste, but also more righteous) and when combined they make a great sandwich, but my word of caution would be that you should never get a haircut when you are hung-over. 

There are rules against obtaining tattoos when under the influence of alcohol, but I would like to see them extended to the morning after. Because when the man is running that comb through your hair and he finds a tangle you just want him to die a slow and painful death just like you. I was in that situation on the weekend and I wasn't in the best of health when I sat in the barber’s chair; I winced at the cool mist of water wetting my hair, the sound of the scissors echoed deep in my ears, and my temples throbbed as that damned clipper slid over my skin like someone trying to make a Slip n Slide on concrete. I wasn't having a good time, I just wanted the bad man to stop. The barber could have just shaved a strip down my head and cut some lines into my eyebrows, and when he would pull the mirror out to show me the back for the "what do you think?", I would already be standing at the counter ready to pay. 

Luckily it turned out to be a girlfriend approved haircut, but it could have been much worse. Remember kids if you're drinking, don't get your haircut. 

This has been a health and safety announcement... I think