One Bark for right, two barks for left

Because I am last with your breaking technological news, you may be aware that Google released footage of their computer driven car. It essentially does what is in the name, it is a car driven by a computer. “So what” you say, “it’s just a dude in a bad suit driving a piece of shit Prius with a bad paint job. There is no way what-so-ever that this could be interesting. I would even rather watch Mythbusters than waste YouTube time on that.”

And I thought my car had a blind spot

The reason why this car is cool is that it was driven by a man not on Mythbusters, and who is leagally blind. 95% blind we find out in the video. I bet you’re regretting that bad suit comment now. Probably not the Prius one though. Its okay, he wasn't actually wearing a suit.

The man with the questionable licence is known as Steve Mahan to his parents.  From his home he picked up his dry cleaning, went through the drive through of Taco Bell, and then headed home not touching the steering wheel, accelerator, or even the brake pedal once, and completely unaided. How awesome is that? I like to think that he got cut-off and used an app to give the knob the finger.

This is a triumph for engineers down at Google, and more independence on the horizon for people who need it. Things like this might have been done before at universities around the world, but they generally required the use of signal reference points along the road, or were alone on a test track. Google’s engineering team have had this baby on highways travelling at speed, navigating regular traffic, and I wouldn't be surprised if it has helped move house once or twice.

From here we can develop algorithms to dictate the best way for traffic to flow and we can remove human error from accidents. Depending on how "naughty" you have set your filter search options, you may end up at a different toy store than you were planning.

While this will ultimately make things easier for drivers, I do think we have created a few more problems. Namely do you call road side assistance, a tow truck, or IT tech support?

“Hello, yeah I can’t get my car to start. No, it was working before. Did the car crash or did the computer crash? I think it might be the computer, I was driving along and then it stopped. Have I tried turning it off and on again? Not yet...”

I find this exciting because I hate driving to work. I would rather kick back and eat some breakfast or catch up on the morning blogs. No all the things you do and love on the bus/train/tram/tandem bicycle you can do in your car. You want to air guitar to La Grange with ZZ Top on the way to work like my mate and fellow Adelaide comedian Michael? Why not push that driver’s seat back and play a real guitar? If you don’t play guitar you have 30mins a day to and from work to learn.

What would be the first thing you do when trying auto pilot for the first time?

Listening is very country

I have a friend who is dating a girl from the country, really country, not the kind of country connected to the city public transport, which is essentially a suburb not yet overrun by urban sprawl. It is Greyhound bus trip or better kind of country. And recently I almost offended her.

She is from a remote island off the coast of Australia, and that part of the coast nearest to the island is three hours away from anything resembling civilisation and/or decent coffee. There is not even a bridge onto this island and only a couple 100 people live there. It is a beautiful place frequently visited by whales, seals (and the weirdos who like to watch them) and where the Koalas have STIs (true story).

My mate is not from the island and they met through working together in the past. They have been together for a while, have just gone halves in buying a house and therefore she has a permanent place within this particular group of friends.

We all got together recently and I was catching up with her on what she had been up to with my mate and how the house is going. We were having a good chat and laughing at many things, and then something came up about her home town island in the middle of nowhere and I asked, "What do your parents think of you dating outside the family?"

She said, "They were worried at first, but now they're cool with it". She did not hear me properly over the restaurant noise and she thought I was talking about the house. I laughed. She asked why, I told her and she laughed herself into a blushing red.

She pointed out that I grew up in a country town where teenage pregnancy was so bad at one stage that the average age was bucking the trend of the nation and getting younger. The surrounding towns thought it was the water that made you pregnant, but realistically it is the beer and lack of decent television. She asked me where my kids were trying to get me back.

I said “it would be irresponsible to bring my kids into a boozy environment such as this, and that’s why they’re still in the car”. Tongue and cheek.

It was not until after I realised that the situation could have gone horribly wrong from my initial comment. If so I would have spent the rest of the evening apologising as much as possible, because she is really awesome and makes my mate very happy. The last thing I want to do is offend her and ruin everyone's evening by saying a dumb joke.

It would not have been the first time that my mouth would open the way to trouble, and most likely not the last. It was the conversation before that saved me and brought it into context of the night, but it was the first time that I had a one on one conversation with her. It still makes me uneasy about how bad it could have gone. It is also what happens here Down Under; you are not true friends unless you start calling each other a dickhead.

How long do you wait before you playfully start hanging shit on new friends or new partners of friends?

Those who think they're funny, please Stand up

Of all the things that made headlines last month, this wasn't one of them. 

My girlfriend dobbed me in to have a crack at stand up comedy. There is an open mike night here at the Rhino Room every Monday, and the people there are awesome and very supportive. Check them out if you are in the area.

The guys from The Chess Hammer and the Chess Hammer collective came out for support, we had a few local beers and pear ciders, and it turned out to be a good night.

I loved it. I was shitting myself, but I loved it. It is an amazing experience to make a room full of people laugh, and equally amazing to hear silence. 

Some of the jokes were adapted from this blog, and I will be having another crack soon. I will let you know how that one goes. It should be within the next week or so.

Unless I die in the arse...