Monday, August 16, 2010

Operation BP

Fencers have to wear a bit of protective equipment. Women in particular have to wear a breast plate, also known as a BP, which looks like the front part of a sports bra made from a solid plastic. Complete with moulded boobs.

At the time, I was the armourer at my fencing club, which basically means I was responsible for the equipment and safety within the venue. One of the female members of our club was going to enter into a competition on a particular weekend, and forgot to pick herself up a BP. Being the armourer and having access to the equipment, she asked if I could pop in on Friday after uni and pick one up. So on Friday I went to the club lockers, grabbed what I thought would be her size, put it in my bag, and went to join my friends in Rundle Mall.

That particular weekend was also the 21st birthday of a female member of our friends group at uni. For reasons that will be left out of this story, we decided that a good present to buy her would be some wine, chocolate, a teddy bear which we could all sign, and then wack a g-string on it. Hilarious I know.

We got the wine, the chocolate, and even the bear after a little hunting and all that was to do was to buy the g-string. My mate Dan and I walked into Target, picked a suitable candidate that would fit the teddy bear, and joined the line at the check-out.

After a lengthy wait, Dan and I were finally served. The check-out chick raised her eye-brow briefly when we handed her the lacy black g-string, but with corporate efficiency she scanned it and placed it in a bag. She asked about Flybys, we said no. Then she asked to check our bags. I put my bag on the checkout and she looked inside. There, unobscured was a pair of plastic boobs starring at her in the face.

She looked at the boobs.

She looked at me.

She looked back at the g-string, then at the boobs, and then back to me.

All I could do is smile and give her a wink.

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