Happy March eve people of the Internet!
I have not lived for very long, I'm closer to 30 than to 25, and in the grand scheme of things it is not very old (the Earth is 4.54 billion years for example, and still doesn't get health care), but here is a list of 10 things I have learned
- If you post comments on YouTube someone will think you are an idiot, whether you are one or have convinced yourself otherwise
- The fastest way to reach a conclusion in sickness is a get well card message: “A tree died for this card, so get well soon or I'll kill another tree”
- People who play video games don’t necessarily want to shoot people, just like people who play football don’t necessarily like group sex
- People will only take climate change seriously when the Pacific Islands have nothing but beach front property
- Melancholy tastes good with cheese
- If something is too good to be true, it is probably a cop undercover
- When people complain about Microsoft, I ask IT to give them Linux for a while
- Dancing like nobody is watching is nowhere near as fun as doing the "sprinkler"
- Pets are not just for Christmas, just like hepatitis
- One does not earn “Respect”; you pay the royalties like everybody else.
#6: Or a tranny.
ReplyDelete... or both...
DeleteFun post. I think my favorites are 2 and 6 and 10.
ReplyDeleteI have put #2 in a get well card before, only myself and the person who was sick thought it was funny, everyone else thought it was bad taste.
DeleteI'm yet to pay royalties for Respect.
Delete#5 and vodka
ReplyDeleteGin is terrible with melancholy, its too summery
Delete#6: "I met a 14 year old girl on the Internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?" - Jimmy Carr
ReplyDeleteJimmy Carr is awesome. I recommend everyone should look up "Jimmy Carr's most offensive joke" on YouTube.
DeleteIt will make you laugh, and then it will make you question your humanity
EVERYTHING tastes good with cheese
ReplyDeleteDo you know what's good with cheese? More Cheese!
DeleteExcellent list. Part two of #3, are we talking American football, or rest of the world football?
ReplyDeleteAll of the footballs!
ReplyDeleteYou posted! Wow! The Youtube comment thing is so, so true. I love reading not only the comments, but the responses to comments. If everyone thinks the other person is an idiot, who is the actual idiot, I wonder?
ReplyDeleteAre you sure everyone that plays football is NOT having group sex?
I never get invited, so I can only assume no
DeleteUnless its a team bonding/trust exercise thing
I knew number 4, but moving to the heartland from the shore sure made it hit home. These people are in DENIAL!
ReplyDeleteYou have to wonder what it will take to show people how broken things are
DeleteYou wasted high school.
ReplyDeleteYeah, all that time in physics and maths learning things that I still use, but only to write the nichest jokes on the planet. If I had taken classes normal people take.
DeleteMaths has ruined me. I was watching a show at the Fringe, and a comedian was talking about how she didn't know if she had changed living in London, "you can't measure change". But you can with CALCULUS! That's the point of calculus (and how it was discovered) so you can can get a measure of the rate of which something is changing.
I didn't want to shout it out, because it was a good show and I didn't want to ruin it for everybody with a niche heckle.
I have no idea how to respond to that. Let alone with anything witty.
Delete