What started as a friendly debate apparently involves poking bears. I do not get it, if you have seen Michael in real life, and believe me I have seen more than I would request; he is the least “bear” like man-boy I have ever seen. If anything he would be more teddy bear, and on some days more My Little Pony. Granted “you’ve poked the plush toy” does not strike the fear into the hearts of the Nutella alliance. “Beanie kids for Peanut Butter” has a nice ring to it though. (Note: on reflection this is a little harsh as Michael is by far one of the nicest people I have ever met. Even though I walked straight past, he will stop, open his bag, dig around for his wallet for a few minutes, and then hand over more change than I or the person in need was expecting. Ultimate nice guy, but all is fair in love and Spread wars)
"I say to you, ask not what your sandwich can do for your spread, but what your spread can do for your sandwich"
I brought up all the flashy figures and articles because we should all know where our food comes from and who is making money from it. Food and Beverage is a major part of every countries economy and these people also fund the campaigns of the people who make the decisions. Does it "subtract in any way from the glorious majesty of the product itself?" No it does not change the taste, but it should still mean something to you. So I do think about what peanut butter has done for society, and since they sponsor media outlets and people like Fox News producers and politicians (who are so right-wing that it even makes the pope uncomfortable) to discredit actual scientists and mislead the public.
"We have nothing to fear except fear and peanut butter if we are allergic"
George Washington Carver did not invent peanut butter, but merely rediscovered it, independently yes. He was beaten by a few hundred years by the Aztecs. This is one of the great misconceptions of history. Be careful what you find on Wikipedia Michael. the biggest lie of them all is that peanuts are not nuts, they are legumes. If you can't trust the name, what can you trust?
"I have nothing to declare except for Nutella and my genius."
Many do not know this but during the pilot episode of ready steady cook the audience would determine the winner for voting team Nutella or team peanut butter. It was a storming success for Team Nutella which won the cook off despite not turning the oven on. Ready Steady Cook was finally re-branded as Tomato Vs Capsicum/Red Pepper when picked up for broadcast due to peanut butter not being a proper noun. When pointed out to the producers that tomato and capsicum/pepper are not proper nouns either they replied, “yes but we do want the other team to have a chance at least. Against Nutella there was nothing peanut butter could do.” May not be true. Even TV producers know better than to put Nutella up against peanut butter at risk of ruining the American economy...
"I wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that would accept me as a member who prefers peanut butter"
"Working is the curse of the drinking class." - Not spread related, but important to note.