Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Nutella strikes back

As I was sitting at home licking the Nutella left on my hands after making another jar transparent, I have been overwhelmed with the response that Michael and I have received over Nutellabeing better than peanut butter

What started as a friendly debate apparently involves poking bears. I do not get it, if you have seen Michael in real life, and believe me I have seen more than I would request; he is the least “bear” like man-boy I have ever seen. If anything he would be more teddy bear, and on some days more My Little Pony. Granted “you’ve poked the plush toy” does not strike the fear into the hearts of the Nutella alliance. “Beanie kids for Peanut Butter” has a nice ring to it though. (Note: on reflection this is a little harsh as Michael is by far one of the nicest people I have ever met. Even though I walked straight past, he will stop, open his bag, dig around for his wallet for a few minutes, and then hand over more change than I or the person in need was expecting. Ultimate nice guy, but all is fair in love and Spread wars)

"I say to you, ask not what your sandwich can do for your spread, but what your spread can do for your sandwich"

But this isn’t about Michael’s over compensation for his manliness; this is about Nutella, and to a lesser extent peanut butter. There may appear to be an overwhelming support for peanut butter but the spread has nested itself within the American diet, and asking them to choose between the two is as pointless as asking an Italian if they preferred sauerkraut over pasta. We know that all depended on who was winning World War II at the time. Nutella finds its origins in Europe and there it sees a competitive market share since peanuts are not grown in significant quantities.


I brought up all the flashy figures and articles because we should all know where our food comes from and who is making money from it. Food and Beverage is a major part of every countries economy and these people also fund the campaigns of the people who make the decisions. Does it "subtract in any way from the glorious majesty of the product itself?" No it does not change the taste, but it should still mean something to you. So I do think about what peanut butter has done for society, and since they sponsor media outlets and people like Fox News producers and politicians (who are so right-wing that it even makes the pope uncomfortable) to discredit actual scientists and mislead the public.


"We have nothing to fear except fear and peanut butter if we are allergic"


George Washington Carver did not invent peanut butter, but merely rediscovered it, independently yes. He was beaten by a few hundred years by the Aztecs. This is one of the great misconceptions of history. Be careful what you find on Wikipedia Michael. the biggest lie of them all is that peanuts are not nuts, they are legumes. If you can't trust the name, what can you trust?

"I have nothing to declare except for Nutella and my genius."

Many do not know this but during the pilot episode of ready steady cook the audience would determine the winner for voting team Nutella or team peanut butter. It was a storming success for Team Nutella which won the cook off despite not turning the oven on. Ready Steady Cook was finally re-branded as Tomato Vs Capsicum/Red Pepper when picked up for broadcast due to peanut butter not being a proper noun. When pointed out to the producers that tomato and capsicum/pepper are not proper nouns either they replied, “yes but we do want the other team to have a chance at least. Against Nutella there was nothing peanut butter could do.” May not be true. Even TV producers know better than to put Nutella up against peanut butter at risk of ruining the American economy...

"I wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that would accept me as a member who prefers peanut butter"

I have seen many people vouch for the joining of the two spreads – a racial harmony of sandwiches. People shout out at Michael and I on the street “mate, can’t you just put your nuts together?” and they didn't even know we have blogs. The spreads can co-exist, but there is only one Nutella. That is because it exists on a higher plain. It fell from the heavens to anoint and bless all who stain the backs of their hand scraping out the last bits.

"Working is the curse of the drinking class." - Not spread related, but important to note.

38 comments:

  1. How can we trust anything you say if you're willing to ruin history's greatest quotes with your slanderous additions? And my point remains the George Washington Carver was put on American currency. The fact that he didn't truly invent the product but merely rediscovered it only strengthens the significance of that point.

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    1. No it doesn't. Classroom teachers help thousands of students discover relativity every year, does that make them better than Einstein? Shit no.

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    2. Whether you like it or not, Carver is associated with peanut butter. We can agree on that, yes? We can also agree that Carver is on the currency. That's black and white fact. So the fact that He is on there and people like John F Kennedy missed out tells you how important this guy (and the product we assossiate him with) was.

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    3. JFK doesn't have to be on a coin because he was all over Marilyn Monroe. I know what I would prefer

      Carver is not on currency for peanut butter. He developed farming practices that made farmers become for efficient and self reliant. Many techniques still used today. He is on coins for agricultural science, not for peanut butter. Your pseudo science and subsequent interpretation is flawed.

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    4. Ask anyone but a farmer and they'll tell you they're more grateful for the peanut butter.

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    5. And then I would tell them about the stuff that made him important and they would nod their head and learn.

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  2. You are a wise man, my friend, to extol the virtues of Nutella.

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    1. Hive fives for heavenly goodness ;)

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    2. Boooooooooooooooo! No high five for you!

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  3. I read "Beanie kids" and I thought to myself, I don't have any children. You see, friends call me Beanie.

    Oh, also, you're wrong. Even when you are right, you are wrong.

    Team peanut butter in the house!

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    1. "Even when you are right, you are wrong", wow you sound like my girlfriend...

      To win an argument she just says "fine, do what ever you want to do"

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    2. If someone as big in the blogging world as Nellie Vaughn can write a post about peanut butter, that would be a HUGE step forward in the cause.

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  4. What? Another post so soon? We must have hit a nerve.

    Call me a crazy capitalist American, but any single brand that corners the market on its product (i.e. Nutella) leaving no room for other brands to emerge, is called a monopoly. We are anti-monopoly. There should be room in the economy for other brands to experiment with hazelnut+chocolate desserty type spreads. Shame on Nutella. Shame.

    This is a debate on opinions, and only mine counts.

    Peanut butter for the win!

    I propose an experiment, wherein we each purchase a jar of each spread, and test both in all situations where we would normally use either one. See which truly improves the majority of foods.

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    1. You know me, I am totally flat out with my two posts a month.

      Are you anti-monopoly or America is anti-monopoly? Because Wal-Mart just celebrated its 50th aniversary of "putting small dealer out of business".

      Correction: Michael's debate is of opinions, I have yet to see any redeemable facts from him :p

      I like your experiment idea, but I propose an amendment, if Michael eats a can of cat food with a jar of peanut butter than I will publicly withdraw my nomination as Nutella being the best and will convert.

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    2. I know, I'm thinking podcast :p

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    3. I go to extraordinary lengths to avoid Walmart. It is an aberration of every American ideal. ...although the "American ideal" has become so corrupt maybe it is simply the embodiment of a new, disturbing, ideal.

      50 years...yuck.

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    4. Australia is facing a similar problem with a price war between our two main supermarket chains. It is putting pressure on farmers who want to keep their lucrative supply contracts and local business because they cannot compete on the same scale. Nothing you can do about it except give small businesses tax cuts but that is only going to go so far

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    5. Is Nutella edging out competition from other hazelnut-coca brands or is it just that no other company has manufactured it?

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    6. You can buy other hazelnut spreads, but they are only copies. Nutella is the standard to which all others are judged, for nothing else compares.

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  5. I'm of full Italian descent and I totally get what you mean!! Sauerkraut over pasta??? Ummm, PASTA PASTA PASTA!! In fact, I think I may pick every thing shy of sheep testicles over sauerkraut. Bleh ;)

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    1. I can generally eat most foods, but I can't do sauerkraut

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    2. But notice she didn't actually mention Nutella?

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    3. Neither did my reply. I already know where Jax stands on Nutella vs Peanut butter - it all depends on the accent holding the jar :p

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    4. hahahaha I loovveee that Rusty!! Totally stealing that line ;)

      Boys...we are still having an issue with this podcast. I tried to "preview" the post using it as a link and it's just not working :( :(

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  6. I'm with Red. A single manufacturer? Who do they think they are...Apple?

    One manufacturer, really?

    Stick it to the man! And your tongue to the roof of your mouth...

    PB Represent!

    WG

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    1. Nutella has yet to try sue people with patents they stole, so they are no where near the capitalist heights that Apple reach.

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    2. Also, Nutella doesn't come out with a jar that's $1500, then make a "new" jar that has one new feature, and then release that for $2000 6 months later because the Sheeple will buy it.

      Just sayin'.

      (Team Nutella)

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  7. Maybe it's because I'm still sleepy this morning, but I can't fathom how I can get so much enjoyment reading a post about Nutella and peanut butter, and all its subsequent comments. It takes talent to make a subject like this funny and interesting!

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    1. You must be delusional with hunger. Have some breakfast and come back and read it again to see if it gets better.

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    2. Okay, after my nice peanut butter toast, I found that it was indeed still funny!

      Aaaannnnddd...there is an award for you on my blog :)

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    3. Looking forward to answering your questions ;)

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  8. I actually mix peanut butter and Nutella together in a separate jar. It is like Nutella on steroids. That way we all win. Mostly me.

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    1. I to enjoy when Nutella and peanut butter hangout together. But arm me with a spoon and I will empty the Nutella first.

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